The Number One Reason People Give Up On Their Dreams Boil Down To This

Note: The following story is based on a true story.  

Two Similar Guitarists, Very Different Responses 

Jack and Tim are lifelong friends and passionate guitar players. While not exceptionally gifted at the beginning of their journeys, both guitarists worked hard to improve through practice, private lessons, and playing gigs. Their progress was noteworthy, but they had a long way to go on stage with B.B. King, John Mayer, and other guitar legends.  

Both guitarists kept climbing ranks through their senior year.  Feeling ambitious, they auditioned for Berklee School of Music – a prestigious music school in Boston – hoping to learn from the best guitar teachers in the world.  They prepared day and night for their auditions before arriving and giving their all. 

Unfortunately, despite their impressive accomplishments, neither got into their dream school due to the highly competitive nature of the audition process. This news was shocking to both since Jack and Tim were revered as some of the best up-and-coming artists in their town. 

How Jack and Tim responded to their rejections developed an asunder rift in their journeys. 

Tim decided that if he wasn't good enough to learn from the best teachers in the world, he should hang up his instrument.  It was game over in his mind, and his journey as a rising guitarist ended abruptly. 

After wallowing in his defeat, Tim chose a safe career in mechanical engineering. He graduated and married his college sweetheart, for whom he played love songs but never went much beyond that on guitar. 

From time to time, Tim would open the case where his guitar resided long-term and strum a few chords in meditation, only to wonder what would have happened if he got into Berklee.  His what-ifs came in waves as he reminded himself each time that he wasn't cut out for being a guitar legend and was happy with his engineering career. 

In stark contrast, Jack was disappointed but perceived the rejection as a detour to his original path rather than a roadblock. His commitment to continuing training and forging a new path led him to become one of the greatest guitarists of all time.   

Following his audition, Jack connected with the judges following their decision and collected notes on where to improve.  He used the data as his basis to amend his deficiencies independently. 

During his journey, Jack worked as a freelancer to control his time while perfecting his guitar craft.  He tapped into free resources such as YouTube, local musician forums, and lesson books he borrowed from the library.  Luckily, his lucrative side hustles afforded him access to further private lessons to tackle problems he didn't recognize independently. 

It took years of grinding, but Jack committed to the process.  He posted videos of live and studio sessions on all social media platforms, his website, and music websites.  He built momentum little by little with persistence until the right person noticed him at the right time.  

It took Jack seven years after his rejection from Berklee to break through, but he did. It's true that his progress was a gamble with no guarantee of a favorable outcome, but the more he connected with his audience through his content production, the more he increased his odds of landing his lucky break. 

Unlike his peers, Jack did not have access to an impressive alumni network to vouch for him. He worked on connecting with his community through his artistry and approachable personality. He remained optimistic through various setbacks and plateaus, always asking himself and those he trusted how he could successfully differentiate himself from his fellow musicians. 

Around 25 years later, Jack received his first Grammy for his breakthrough solo album, which made him a household name among fellow guitarists. With no music school to his name, he carved a completely different path to success through continuous skill-building and marketing himself throughout his journey. 

Tim, now a wealthy executive at a Fortune 100 company, turned on the television that day, only to see his long-lost friend accept the Grammy. Despite having a loving family, a great house, and wealth beyond what most Americans have, Tim's reality sunk in.  Somehow, he missed the memo that he could have kept going even if he didn't get accepted into his dream music school. 

A few months later, Tim reconnected with Jack and offered to fly him out and stay at his place.  Jack accepted, anxious to see his old friend from over 30 years ago.  As they were catching up, Jack offered Tim some impromptu guitar lessons that turned into a jam session.   

Despite the rust, the apex of Tim's playing returned quickly.  Mentally, he felt the years he put on were melting away as he communicated his messages through his guitar instead of presentations at board meetings.  A subtle youthfulness in Tim's eyes revealed itself as Tim and Jack took turns showcasing their talents. 

As Jack prepared to return home, he reminded Tim it was never too late to return to his artistry. Tim felt inspired to play again with a look that his wife hadn't seen in his eyes since his college days of playing love songs. It didn't matter that Tim wouldn't win a Grammy—he only wanted to connect with his lost artistry again. 

Tim acknowledged that if he could try again, he would, but he came to terms with his decisions in life.  After Jack left, Tim played his guitar a little more often until the end of his days.  The haunting what-ifs returned in waves as he recognized that a single decision from his teens changed his trajectory forever. 

This Force Separated Jack From Tim 

Let's assume Jack and Tim started with nearly identical backgrounds and abilities.  Following their stories, we witnessed two contrasting approaches to handling a major setback.  What separated their fates was their response and how they carried themselves onward. 

Tim decided to end his music career. In his mind, pulling the plug on his passions to pursue a safe career was his best option. He lived a good life, achieved economic security, and raised a loving family. Still, one thing remained in the back of his mind as the years passed: He wouldn't return to his passion until his mid-50s. 

Jack chose a dramatically different response and went against the grain.  Sure, it wasn't easy for him at first as he had to accept that he didn't meet a certain deadline.  However, he succeeded on his timeline by continuing to learn and adjust his skills and abilities.  His achievement required more time than normal, but his persistence ultimately won a Grammy. 

In the end, both paid different prices for their paths.  What distinct factor led to a chasm between their adulthood experiences? 

The Deadline Illusion 

What separated Tim's and Jack's responses boiled down to the Deadline Illusion: the belief that certain major achievements must occur at a certain stage of life. This relentless façade is a source of frustration, disappointment, and anxiety that weeds out aspiring dreamers prematurely. 

Unfortunately, dreamers do not normally impose these illusions on themselves. In fact, most dreamers believe they have all the time in the world, which leads to unending procrastination. As a result, their urgency to act is often stifled as they wonder where all the time went. 

So, if the sources are not internal, what external sources cause us to believe in the Deadline Illusion? 

Parents, teachers, and peers are common reasons why we give up on our dreams prematurely. 

Before we point fingers, we must recognize that it's easy to blame these agents as malicious culprits. They are only doing what they think is best for our long-term well-being; in some cases, they are correct. However, they tend to overdo it, causing many dreamers to give their ambitions a second thought. 

With parents and teachers, they were raised in a stricter world where making deadlines held significant merit.  Due to their limited opportunities, they were urged by their parents and teachers to pick something on the straight and narrow and stick with it.  Although our options have opened exponentially, it's hard for them to fathom how different the world has become in two decades. 

Our peers, on the other hand, will often antagonize us if our performance is lacking, such as on tests, auditions, athletics, and more.  Depending on their intentions, their scathing remarks on our shortcomings may cause us to give up on our pursuits if it incurs less mental torture in our interactions.  We allow our desires for short-term relief to sabotage our long-term aspirations during a period where they can be best cultivated. 

Instead of pursuing meaningful goals and dreams, these agents steer us towards secure and complacent lifestyles that avoid risk, confrontation, and drama. Usually, their experience is through a path they were prescribed that provides security. In turn, they believe they have to pay it forward. 

However, security often comes at the price of something we all desire: freedom. 

Freedom to create.  Freedom to dream.  Freedom to try.  Freedom to explore.  Freedom to fail and learn from it. 

As we swing the big leagues and give it our all in our younger years, these agents hope we work it out of our system and eventually align ourselves to a more secure path.  They do not consider what's best for the people as they impose these deadlines upon them. 

Didn't get into a performing arts college by your senior year of high school?  Maybe it's not for you, but at least you tried… now get a safe job.   Didn't become an NCAA all-star? At least you can coach and watch others try their luck.  Failed math in high school? Don't dream of ever engineering anything. 

These extreme rationalizations of our failures attempt to justify giving up on personal goals and dreams.  Part of the illusion transitions us to "someday syndrome", where someday becomes an excuse to put off further action because we believe tomorrow is guaranteed.  And then, time slips by, and we wonder why we haven't achieved what we wanted yet. 

Some Exceptions 

In the spirit of transparency, there are some exceptions to the Deadline Illusion. Pursuits requiring peak physical condition are subject to a deadline of our physical pique or being in a certain age group. But everything else? Nahhh. 

Here are a few exceptions: 

– 1 – Playing Professional Sports 

Playing sports professionally requires excellent physical condition. Some people may be genetically built to stay in peak condition for longer periods than others. Still, once that window passes, the probability that a younger, stronger athlete will take them climbs upward. 

However, pique physical condition doesn't guarantee victory.  Tom Brady played football in his 20s and 30s before retiring in his 40s.  Despite his impressive accomplishments, it's unlikely his body would be able to perform at his level of expectations once he reaches his later years. 

Others have proved themselves to be quite versatile in their older years. Sir Christopher Lee, who played Count Dooku in Star Wars, proved quite versatile by improvising the jump to meet Anakin and Obi-Wan without any props or help from the stunt team. 

– 2 – Winning Awards Reserved For Younger Age Groups 

There are awards out there reserved for younger age groups.  These awards encourage younger generations to give their best to their craft.  We must be careful not to let it be perceived as a threat to our abilities if we're past that age, but rather, just an opportunity for younger people to improve themselves. 

Why Deadlines Once Mattered 

The Deadline Illusion wasn't created by accident.  There was a time when deadlines mattered because our society didn't have as many options historically as we do today.  These changes have dissolved the circumstances that once held these changes true. 

Unfortunately, illusions take significantly longer than expected to die out despite the changes. These illusions live beyond their years as we continue to cling to familiarity and perpetuate their existence.  The old saying goes: Most people fear change, even if it's for the better. 

Acknowledging that reality has changed is the first step to overcoming these illusions.  Before we discuss further steps, here are the major factors that influenced the prominence of these illusions: 

Cultural Expectations & Traditions 

Many of our expectations about life's trajectory are rooted in our immediate culture and upbringing. Growing up, we adopt perspectives on how the world works from encounters with adults and peers. It’s not uncommon for some cultures to predict the trajectory of their kids' lives from birth.  

Could you imagine being told at birth that you’re supposed to be a doctor or a great ruler when you may not have the personality or capabilities to pull it off?  In contrast, could you also imagine being told you’ll be a janitor for the rest of your life when you’re capable of much more?  The mismatch of capability and opportunity results in millions leading unfulfilling lives saturated with unnecessary friction. 

In America, we have more freedom to explore our interests than other cultures, but with a catch.  After graduating from high school, we're expected to pick a path for our careers and ambitions.  Because of this pivotal moment, tremendous amounts of pressure around grades, extracurriculars, and other activities are stressed by teachers, parents, and guidance counselors to differentiate students from one another. 

In Western culture, it’s common to assume that if we don’t receive admission into a prestigious school, nail an audition for a world-class performing arts program, or win prestigious awards when we’re young, we are doomed to mediocrity.   

We watch our peers climb steep metaphorical mountains of achievement, only to leave us behind in the valleys of struggle.  These achievements are outstanding for marketing ourselves for future opportunities, but are they worth it? 

While competition is healthy in moderation, going overboard on achievement in every category creates undue hardships that sabotage meaningful progress.  The endless quest of checking every box and closing every deficiency has us running around in an unsustainable manner.   

We’ve made it an expectation that we must achieve big in our teens, and from there onwards, we have nowhere else to go but up.  But as most of us know, life doesn't work like that.  Life has natural ups and downs that we're either fortunate to experience or must endure, but how we handle each season is far more important than always being on the upswing. 

Another type of cultural expectation blinds us to the mountains and valleys: 

The Reverence of Child Prodigies

One of the worst comparison traps stemming from the Deadline Illusion is comparing our adult abilities to child prodigies. When we do this, we make the horrendous mistake of believing that talented children have nowhere else to go but up in their skills and opportunities, contradicting how reality operates. 

Social psychologists have dispelled these illusions for many child prodigies. Most prodigies end up far worse off later in life because they don't build resilience to life's turbulence. High expectations coupled with a lack of coping skills turn them to destructive influences such as drugs, sex, and entertainment to distract them from their struggles. 

Even with the best guardrails, such as mentors, talent managers, and other adults in their lives, child prodigies are subject to the same influences as their peers.  These guardrails may do more harm than good, causing prodigies to rebel and destroy their guardrails to explore what else is out there. 

Regardless of our talents and dispositions, we are all subject to the rollercoaster of life.  Where we start is influential in determining whether we enjoy or endure the journey.  Starting too far up only sets most of us up for a big fall, whereas if we spend more years climbing up, we get stronger and appreciate the view even more when we overcome adversity. 

Nowadays, late bloomers who prove it's not too late to get started are emerging.  Grandma Moses painted her first painting at 76. Colonel Sanders started his chain business when he realized social security wouldn't cut it.  

These late bloomers have a wealth of experience to contribute, and despite the life problems that come with aging, they persevere. 

Lesser Access To Information & Training 

Several decades ago, significant barriers stifled educational opportunities for the public.  To receive a meaningful education, people had to enroll in schools, know how to use libraries or know carefully guarded masters in a particular field.  Often, gatekeepers determine who receives a golden ticket to access such private information. 

Thanks to the Internet and its near-limitless resources, these barriers have dissolved.  Anyone with an internet connection has access to an ocean of information.  We can learn at our own pace and become masters in multiple fields if we pursue them. 

While college is still required for a handful of higher-end professions, the rest only require certifications, on-the-job training, and/or a willingness to learn and adapt to a changing market. Even with lower barriers to entry, most of these fields have not reached peak saturation yet. 

Anyone can learn to code through training books and coding tutorials.  A quick visit to YouTube can reveal how to set up a professional music production studio.  Filmmaking is on full display as well.  Want to learn how to become better at sports?  Many tutorials will guide you on how to throw the perfect spiral with a football. 

The key to harnessing this information is having an innate desire to learn, master, and improve current skills and knowledge. 

Different Market Dynamics 

Market dynamics greatly influence how we expect professional careers to unfold.  The influences that were prominent a generation ago are not the same as those prominent today. 

In the mid and late 20th century, most professionals committed to one company for their career.  Job security was real, and most saw losing a job as a black mark. At one point, the resume alone secured the job, and a college degree was a major differentiator in hiring, career advancement, and commanding respect from others in the industry. 

Nowadays, these factors have taken a backseat to the power of results, flexibility, and commanding attention. People have learned to look past vivid orators who paint rosy pictures without delivering on their promises. Tech companies move quickly as they adapt to increasing headwinds in the marketplace. Job security is a career relic that has diminished in its power in professional career choices. 

With these changes in the marketplace, the number of opportunities afforded to us has exploded.  Still, some continue believing these illusions because they make them comfortable, despite the fact that many stories and data point in the other direction. 

Overcoming The Illusion 

We can overcome the illusion in the same way we stopped thinking Santa was real– realization.  In Buddhism, it's called enlightenment.  In Christianity, it's discernment. Whatever you believe, the truth is what we seek.

To sober ourselves from the illusions and enter a world enriched with opportunity and adventure, there are several steps to dispel the illusion once and for all: 

Analyze Mindset

This is the hardest step for many of us. It's easy to operate, assuming our actions perfectly align with our perceptions. Depending on its application, this strong sense of self can work for and against us. Ultimately, we believe that perception is reality, even though our perceptions are often beyond their glory days. 

The best way to overcome this illusion is to analyze our mindset. As we take inventory of our beliefs, we must recognize which beliefs aid us and which hinder us. It's difficult to know exactly which ones to let go of unless we have an emotionally charged experience that forces our hand. 

The good news is that the mindset can be changed and recalibrated.  Awareness and acknowledgment are catalysts for change.  However, we must recognize that these transformations take time and patience with ourselves as we rewire our mindset. 

To best overcome the illusion, we should do what comes next. 

Look At Reality As Is 

Everyone has dreams and goals they want to achieve someday.  These goals naturally distort our perception of reality as we work hard to transform the reality around us.  There's nothing wrong with that, but we must differentiate when our perceptions are an asset or a liability. 

Therefore, admitting that our perceptions aren't fully accurate is the first step to overcoming these illusions, especially the Deadline Illusion.  Once we own it, we'll notice that our world won't end because we're several years past the deadline.  

Instead, we'll experience a massive sense of relief as the pressure of hitting a subjective deadline lifts off our shoulders and leaves us free to progress in our own time.  This kind of liberation allows us to enjoy the journey instead of rushing it at full force. 

As we own and transform misaligned perceptions, we should continue collecting data to verify that we're not subject to the whims of these deadlines anymore. What we do next is also important to ensure that our corrections are concrete. 

Read Stories 

It's unlikely that we're alone in our struggles.  A simple Google search returns thousands of stories from blogs and advice-based forums.  These stories are told in one of two ways: either as how they overcame their struggles or to present a problem for other users to read and chip in their two cents. 

While our circumstances in our struggles will be unique, other stories can provide ideas to overcome our conflicts.  From there, we must piece together what's needed to overcome the illusions that hold our dreams hostage.  Whenever we get stuck, we can go back to old stories or find new ones for reference as we change how we approach problems in life. 

These stories inspire us with the energy to take control and change our perceptions, but we must keep the momentum moving by doing what comes next. 

Get Creative 

There's a great caveat about becoming free of the Deadline Illusion: our situation is unconventional.  Unlike children who may not be burdened with adult responsibilities, we must acknowledge the realities we face.  We may not have as much free time, so we must spend each spare second wisely. 

We must recognize that most solutions in life are not obvious. We differentiate ourselves in the process by deviating from conventional wisdom to attempt uncommon approaches to life that aren't popular. In the right company, this is an asset, but the wrong people will view our deviations as an annoyance and liability. 

By overcoming the illusion, we're already committed to an unconventional path, so it only makes sense to continue forward.  Therefore, we must get creative with executing while ensuring our actions are perceived positively. 

There are numerous ways to be creative in our approaches, but we won't be able to discuss tactics here. The best advice to get started is to let your mind explore possibilities per your unique situation and commit to a starting point. Then, go and correct course. Along the way, your results may not match your expectations.   

Remember: If we try to swim with the fish and do things normally, we will fail.   

Take Action

Being all amped up to overcome our illusions is meaningless without action.  Anyone can become aware of it, but acting to transform our lives is the greatest differentiator.  Unfortunately, most people will recognize and think they've got it under control, only to slowly creep back into their old ways while burning valuable days and weeks in their lives. 

As we get creative with our approaches, trial and error are required to overcome our situations.  We are always operating with incomplete information. Therefore, it's imperative to have the right balance between planning and execution.  My mix is 20:80, but what works for you might differ depending on your situation and personality. 

As we discover our breakthroughs, we should note them and figure out ways to amplify those smaller victories into larger ones. It takes time, and the best solution may not surface immediately. However, implementing a constructive solution that moves the needle forward is better than waiting forever for the perfect solution, which might be gone in the blink of an eye. 

Likewise, with failures, we must take note and learn from actions that yield unfavorable results.  In these cases, acknowledging failure as a guardrail is crucial in trying better ideas.  Failure is the best remedy because it shows that we're fighting the good fight, and we need to keep that momentum going rather than stall out and waste it. 

As we continue, keep amplifying what works and redirecting what doesn't.  Adjust, adjust, adjust.  Before we know it, we'll get to our intended destination if we do not allow the illusion to return. 

Overcome Through Action

The Deadline Illusion is a persistent mirage engineered to keep telling us it’s too late to try.  We believe in many reasons, such as getting older and becoming more responsible, recognizing that sometimes people younger than us have more skill and freedom, and other narratives that are not relevant to our lives. 

Luckily, we have many more stories and resources to dissolve the illusion right before our eyes.  Achievements that were once impossible in our mid-to-later years may now be accessible later in life.  We no longer need to work towards impossible deadlines for major achievements, but rather work at a sustainable pace that allows us to enjoy the journey. 

While recognizing the Deadline Illusion is an important first step, awareness is not enough.  To overcome the illusion once and for all, we must take action to prove to ourselves that this deadline is utterly meaningless.  It takes patience, trial and error, and optimism to overcome it, but it can be done. 

What has the Deadline Illusion held you back from, and what's your first step to dispel it once and for all?